Timshel

good day

2007-12-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

Hey these last few days have been pretty good... That physics test I made an 88 on, the Precal quiz a 100 and the test Monday a 98, which almost gave me the A i need. Yesterday we got our class rings, and while they were giving them out, my guidance counselor pulled me over and said "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but you did VERY well on the PSAT... yours was the highest score in the school. The scores will be passed out tomorrow act suprised." So today I got the score... a 225. That beats last years top-in-the-school scorer, and he was a National Merit Finalist... hello scholarship $$$!! and then today I got a call from the person I've been missing most lately and she's coming to town saturday! I did the paid city hall camera work for the first time on monday, and I get the paycheck next monday! Oh and haha Mr. B. told me that he's putting me in the Who's Who Among High School Theatre Students and the Who's Who Among High School Scholars, neither of which are that important, but hey they look good on a resume... The show closed Saturday and I was out partying until 2... luckily my parents didnt wake when I got back b/c I was supposed to be back by midnight. :) and then of course alex ellis was in town so I spent part of the afternoon sunday with her, which was a lot of fun.. I'd forgotten how refreshing talking to her can be.
So all in all, after the last few days, I'm feeling pretty good about life again. :)

update

2007-12-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

Let's see. Yesterday, I stayed home from school for the first time all year. I was sick and I just simply needed a day off from Production. So I slept till 10 which felt amazing and I was in bed by 10, also amazing. During the day, I caught up on my Physics homework, wrote an English paper, and studied some Precal. Compared to any other day in recent memory, very relaxing.
Today, on the other hand, I went to school. Back to the grindstone, as it were. Not much went on during the day, just like always. It never sets in until 2pm. At 2, I went back to my APUSH class to make up a quiz i missed yesterday, then I went over to Production and settled down for a while. Today was "blurb day," so I filled out that form for my show and turned it in, I edited some Robin Hoods (or tried to for a while, as I've been given the more ghetto of the two types of editing systems to use... oh how i wish i was using the Avid!!). I wrote the scripts for two episodes of the show I produce, which is taping its January and March episodes tomorrow, and sketched out the times for the taping. I encoded some 'Perils for Pedestrians', a 'Conn Jackson Show', and a couple 'Army Newswatch' episodes. At 6:00, they closed up the studio, which is much earlier than usual, so I went back to the business office to get the paperwork needed for payroll. I've trained twice for our City Hall broadcasts, which means that I'm eligible for $$ every time I work it from now on, starting next Monday. Then, at 6:45 I went from school to a piano lesson to rehearse the 31 page Rhapsody in Blue that I'm supposed to play at recital in two weeks... haha that'll be interesting. Got home around 7:45 and started homework after dinner. So far, I've written an English paper for some contest and done a French verb packet thingy... I've got some physics to go, and I really need to study for the physics test tomorrow and thre precal quiz.
Dale sent me a message on Facebook basically saying that his dad's doing much better than expected and he's sorry he didn't get back to me, but he dropped his phone in an Atlanta fountain. Sounds like he and his dad are both doing alright though so I feel better about him now.
I produce "What's Up, Doc?" tomorrow! I fail a Physics test tomorrow! I fail a Precal quiz tomorrow! Noises Off closes this weekend! Alex is coming this weekend! Alpine Village is this weekend! Thespian Induction this weekend! Taping a huge project at school this weekend! Rehearsals for the Alumni Banquet skit this weekend!
When I come up for air, I'll blog again. IF I come up for air, that is.

funny videos

2007-12-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

Today

2007-12-03T20:06:00.000-08:00

Well today was a good day until a point. Got everything done that needed doing in production and school in general... turned in the Banquet invitation, paid the Speech tournament fee, filled out my Producer Sheet, got ahead on my encoding, met with A Rog to discuss some speech I'm making in February, started my big editing project for Mr Elmer... got it all done. Dad came home from the hospital which was good. oh wait princess did i ever tell you about his surgery?? oh no haha probably not now that I think of it... oh well here goes. He's got diverticularlitis (the same thing Dale's got in his intestines) but unlike Dale's my dad's stopped being controllable so they basically went in a stripped out and rebuilt his intestinal tract on Thursday of last week. He was in the hospital through today. He was asleep by the time I got home around 6, but hey thats fine by me. Then of course, I'm supposed to get mother to sign my precal grades and things get nasty... i've got an 80 in there which really isnt that horrible for that class, but she was really pissed and started going off on production and I was in kind of touchy mood at the moment (I dont know why) so I start lashing back at her with all I had to fight with. It got REALLY nasty and loud and personal and insulting holy shit it was not fun. I mean honestly it may have been a victory for me... it ended with what seemed a stalemate and the last word was mine... but if it was a victory the losses were heavy. I felt like shit. I could have crawled into a corner and died. But i didnt of course because I had physics to do. That's what I'm doing now.

mutterings of a chained soul

2007-11-26T23:15:00.000-08:00

Well I'm taking a break from homework right now, so I might as well talk to you for a while before I get back to work. I'm really ADD like that lately, but whatever.
I thought about the blog because the princess reminded me not long ago that its been a long time since I've blogged, so here I am.
Should I just blah blah blah a while? OK, sounds good. I really don't care if this is ever read or not, I'm just really bored.
Parts were assigned at Mock Trial today and I'm the defendant in this year's (civil) case. Gonna be fun. My character was driving people home from a party one night (he was basically the designated driver, as he was the only one in the car that hadn't been drinking) when he crashed the car into a telephone pole, injuring one of the three passengers, who is now suing him for negligence, claiming that the accident was due to my texting while driving, which of course I claim not to have been doing, and the evidence gets all nicely complex and self-contradicting at about that point as the jury will have to decide who was sober enough to be believable. Looking forward to working this case out. Seems like an interesting one.
Worried about Dale right then for some reason... I keep thinking about his dad and wondering why Dale's not returning my calls... hope nothing's gone horribly...worse.
Ack. School's going to kill me very very soon, and then my mother will. Interims came out last week and I've got a 63 in AP Physics and a 78 in Precal...definately not showing that one to mom no matter who tells me that it needs to be signed. Actually, I'm writing this in the middle of some physics homework, which I'm really behind in right now...I think the 63's wrong though, because even though I'm a little behind on the homework, the grades I've been getting back have generally been high, and never as low as 63... I'll ask Levi about that tomorrow. (writing note to self in little red book). Precal's 78 though I'm afraid is correct, and I deserve it. I don't do s*** for that class, or at least I haven't been. After I finish the physics work for tonight, I'll spend some time trying to catch up as much as possible on the precal. gag me. I'm not blaming my grade on this (well maybe I am a little) but the Precal teacher is HORRIBLE. He spends more time elaborating on his morally devoid, often disturbing political and social views than he does attempting to teach, and even when he's "teaching" he doesn't know what he's talking about. On multiple occasions, he's been going over a homework problem, stopped, scratched his head, and said "oh well that's complicated I wouldnt give you that on a test." The man doesn't even know how to perform the skills he's paid to teach. I'm actually trying to get him fired at the moment, compiling a list of complaints from all his classes, streamlining them so as to remove all of the less-severe issues, and planning to email or give in person to Ms. Justice (administrator), whose name seems appropriate for the situation. I wouldn't waste my time trying to get him fired except he's also the Calculus teacher, which means I'd have his next year too. If I fail in getting him out of the classroom, I'll simply not take Calculus next year, and my mother and her precious college admissions officers will just have to deal with it. OK enough on that man. I can't talk about him too long at a stretch. It raises my blood pressure.
I'm still working my way through the Poisonwood Bible and I'm liking it a lot. I don't have any time at all to read between production and trying to squeeze a life in somewhere, but I read when I can and its slow going, but its a fun book to read. I can see it becoming one of my favorites. Thanks much princess!
Which reminds me, the speech tournament is this Saturday and I'm doing an interpretive reading. Guess which book. Guess which passage. Good guess. I'm excited about that, doing a Chinese accent's a little tough, and remembering what voices I use for Lee, Samuel, and Adam, but its a great passage.
I seem to have run out of things to blab about. So back to the merry world of public education until I think of something else to aimlessly write.
Bye for now.
-Bamberg

hey look!

2007-10-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

i'm blogging! b/c you told me to! and b/c i'm going to bed now! b/c i finished my hmwrk. b/c i could. right.
well
i love you.
goodnight.
hope to talk to you soon
-michael

2007-09-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

same situation as last night... no idea when i'll have to get off so we may not be able to talk tonight.
so if we don't, blog back about your day!
i love you!
-bamberg

princess:

2007-09-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

i'm online for a while longer but i'm not sure how long.
so good luck with the casting today! hope you had a good day
i found out today that our fall play auditions are tomorrow and the play is Noises Off, which, if you don't know what it is, is incredibly funny and wild and crazy and HARD. its a 9 person (5 guy 4 girl) cast so i probably won't be in it, but i'm gonna try! haha wish me luck!
i hope to talk to you later today.
i love you.
-bamberg

DAMMIT

2007-09-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

i really hope you see this or my fbook status before you try to text me... the parents took my phone after seeing the phone bill and i'm seriously pissed (but then, so are they) and they saw the 2 hr call and the 1 hr call w/ you but i managed to explain those away which was easier b/c there was a 2 hr call w/ khadija too... yeah i was bad over on both minutes and text... ARG well i'm seriously pissed off right now but i hope you see this before you text me.... b/c that could be bad.
i love you and i 'm still really srry about that misunderstanding yesterday coupled w/ my being a jerk about it to you... not too mention now i'm srry we won't be able to talk except when we're randomly online @ the same time... (my 117th HUGE sigh over that)
we'll work that out though i suppose... i guess its time to start using the blog as a means of communication regularly (fbook wont let me send messages now). so i hope we can talk later... if not goodnight; i love you and i'm sorry i got my phone taken; write back if i'm not online when you see this... but i should be online all night.
I love you
-Bamberg

overwhelmed much?

2007-09-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

dang
my mind is in a chaotic whirlwind... they've chosen a youth minister. zack butterfield. the same guy that did Deconstruct... which i didnt attend, but which scared alex with its "be a christian or burn in hell" rhetoric... and one wednesday night program as speaker/singer. he was mediocre at best in more areas than performance quality. his content wasn't very good... shallow...too scripted...even innaccurate when he ventured into historical references.
he seems like a really nice kid. but thats all he seems like. i can't imagine anyone ever going to him for help on a personal problem. i can't imagine telling him about khadija's depression, my own problems, or any other serious issues i might know of.
of course, i dont KNOW him at all. all i know about him is that he's engaged, a southern baptist conservative, into the sports side of a youth group (of course...yuk), was a theatre kid in high school and obviously thinks he's good (he's not), and doesn't know his history. he could be a great youth minister and i just dont know it
but i doubt it
but at the same time.. i feel like if i'm not supportive and kind and helpful, then not only will i be a hypocrite and a liar, but i'll be placing myself completely out of the decision-making loop, a position I have missed since dale left. but i just don't know. i may not agree with this guy's theology, methods, or priorities. what then? do i become one of the members that shows up maybe once every two months? can i abandon the group regardless of the minister? if there's a vote tomorrow, do i draw a battle line and say nay, dividing the youth group and alienating myself hopelessly from zack? or do i vote no in a written ballot and ask alex and others to do the same? or do i vote yes, trusting the church leaders to have made the right decision? can i still trust the leaders at all, knowing what they did to dale? can it be possible for me to see zack objectively, without comparison to dale? ever? who will support him, who will stop coming, who will come unhappily, how will the youth group change as consequence? how can i change the consequences? what trust and effort can i afford to put into this guy?
questions pile on one another, creating a bottleneck of urgent crazy thought.
i dont know anything
-Bamberg
princess: talking to you for so long was amazing today, even if it led to some awkward questions from mother. haha i told her that no, i didnt talk to you all day and that brandon winfrey called with ghs-tv issues and we talked for about an hour is that what she was thinking about? haha. but anyway, i miss you being here catherine, and i hope to talk thru this new appointment with you asap, even though i wish it was over lunch and before a movie.
again, i love you.

His answer

2007-08-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

I plan to talk to you tonight, but just in case I can't:

I've been asking/yelling/begging/demanding with God about this too... but the answer i've gotten every time is a little different than yours... instead of "a resounding 'no,'" i've been getting a "not now. but be patient and i'll work it out." so please don't let your heart break. mine's not. there's nothing i can do except give the whole big problem to Him and let Him work. so, I'll just try to be patient. Richard Hipps said something Sunday that I liked and wrote down... I think it applies now. "You will never find security in what God is doing, but only in who He is."

and one more thing before I go... please know i'm not mad and i didnt not call yesterday because i was upset or anything... i've got no reason to be mad and i didnt call because i just didnt get a chance... production till 5... church... then homework till 1.... sorry i felt awful not calling after i blogged that i'd talk to you yesterday.
Hope to talk to you later tonight!

I love you.

2007-08-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

Her majesty has just informed me that I'm as datable as a group of nonexistant (and dead even if they hadn't always been) men. is that good?

I love you. and even though i agree mentally with your decision not to kiss again for a long time, i can't help hoping you'll change your mind before you come back to town.

Until ... not tomorrow. later today.
Good.. morning.

stunned

2007-08-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

woah... i just had another 2 hr phone convo on my cell (need to stop doing that) but it was a friend from school calling and about 5 min into talking she told me that she recently tried to commit suicide by ODing on sleeping pills. I'm thanking God that she didn't take enough to do any harm, but knowing that she's tried to take her own life absolutely terrified me.
I tried to talk things through with her and I'm hopeful that some things got through to her... first that her problems CAN be worked out and second that killing yourself is never a good option if only because of what it would do to the people you leave behind. I think i convinced her that there are people that really do care and would be devastated if she were gone, but she did admit that she's been having suicidal thoughts after this attempt, so I just hope that something I said can be used by God in her heart and mind to let her know of her self-worth and that she is loved by God and by people here on earth.
I'm pretty good at digging peoples' brains, and i got her to describe what she was thinking as she was swallowing the pills one by one. she described what amounted to shutting off her brain to all thought except an obsessed focus on what she was doing. This tells me that if she starts thinking suicidally again, she may block out everything that I've told her, not realize in that moment that she is valued and loved and that her station is reparable, and make a second attempt. That I fear more than anything I've ever feared before.
One thing I said I hope will stave off further attempts, though... I managed to bring up therapy in a way that didnt insult her and I'm sure that she considered it, at least momentarily. I let her know that people aren't freaks just because they see a therapist every now and then and I told her about a few friends of mine who do see therapists. I'll try to give her the information on Sarah's therapist and get her to at least talk to her on the phone. After that, I'll keep close track of her and if she refuses help or shows any signs of considering a second attempt... I'll inform her parents.
I'm rather numb now... a strange scared exhaustion just got to me.
Please PLEASE pray for her.

princess: I'm sorry I couldn't talk today without distraction. I love you and miss you so much it hurts. I hope Monday works out.
Goodnight (although its 12:18am now) I'm drained

the princess

2007-08-13T15:48:00.000-07:00

hmm well. i've been ordered to write a post. she is a princess after all, and princesses simply won't take any crap about not posting on a blog. so here goes.

i wish lowly fred bamberg was a prince (and of age) so that he could be worthy of the princess's hand in marriage. Ha i also wish it was as simple as a fairy tale... go kill the dragon or smthg... but no. there's an age/maturity gap between us that... is problematic to put it lightly. but all i know is that the pressure of her hand on mine causes a thrill that suprises even me... i thought of her constantly today and had to supress a grin and disguise the glow from my eyes. its so easy to see... you and me... spending our lives together... and loving it.

the chorus to "Yours to Hold" by Skillet

Every single day
I found it hard to say
I could be yours alone
You will see someday
That all along the way
I was yours to hold

when we talked after the movie sunday... it was like a whole other me of thought and emotion that i'd been supressing or at least masking for years was coaxed into the open and allowed to test the air and the sun and found it could walk and survive. you made me happier than i can remember ever being and so many other things that i simply can not describe...
and in response to your comment about my "crap" calling you too good for me... i suppose we shall simply have to agree to disagree on that point because despite whatever you may think, your love is more than i could have ever asked for or come close to deserving.

i love you.

largely pointless ramblings

2007-08-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

wow the princess's last post (the last half {packing} particulary) was incredibly well written... i was very impressed... it did a fantastic job of depressing me.
i myself have nothing so literarily (assuming thats a word) inspiring to write about... lets see.... today, I was at the school twice... 1st for the GHS-TV training session, which was cool... learned a lot... def looking forward to working on crew. 2nd for registration... not as cool... they screwed up my schedule and gave me a study hall instead of french 3, which isnt a huge deal b/c i have several options in juggling around my schedule to get that fixed. becuase i know you dont want to hear, i'll elaborate. I could switch AP Bio for AP Chem or AP Physics if either of the latter are offered during my current study hall period (6th). I could (but wouldnt) switch Production for another fine arts offered 6th period. I could change my request from french 3 to french 4 and see what that changes. Or i could always move to canada.
hmm what else went on... ahh some riverjail friends went to their registration today to see the teachers and they tell me that mrs. patrick doesnt remember who i was... i'm honored. but i'm still mrs. oschack's all time fav, so its all good. :) i'll possibly be going to see hairspray tomorrow w/ these same friends... which will be fun that movie looks amazing.
oh and thinking of mrs. oschack just now reminded me of a poem i wrote in her class (the only decent piece of poetry i've ever produced). maybe i'll post it here sometime.
note to the princess: did you vote twice on my poll?
if not
note to all readers: who did?
-Bamberg

well then

2007-08-02T22:25:00.001-07:00

not confused anymore

Arg... Confused Again

2007-08-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well, today was Sarah's birthday and we had a little party at her house with Sarah, myself, Katelyn, Isis, and Elliot. Up until now, I had been pretty confident that Sarah was getting over Elliot and leaning more toward "choosing" me, but tonight she positively fawned on him. She was practically laying on top of him during the movie and the way she said goodbye elliot thanks for coming was sickening. Maybe I'm imagining things... but I'm not. I need to talk to her. She needs to stop playing both sides. Whenever I'm alone with her, its great. Add Elliot, and I might as well not be there. Maybe she really does care more for him than for me and I just need to bow out... I don't know. This is such a bizarre situation!! Why did I let myself be put into this?!?! I need an answer from Sarah now, because I cannot continue standing aside when Elliot's around and being happy when he's not! I can't keep worrying about whether she'll go back to him or decide she wants to be with me. She tells me she loves me and acts like it most of the time, but then ignores me when her ex is around! I need an answer, and I need her to act on what she says... If she wants to go back to him when he asks, then I need to know so I can back off (and in that case, the amount of time she's spent alone with me is completely inappropriate). If she wants to be with me, then she needs to back off of him! Right now, she's acting like she has two boyfriends, and that doesn't work with me.

A Prayer

2007-08-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

My thoughts and prayers tonight are with the victims and families involved in the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. At least 7 are dead and 50 injured, 6 critically. Keep them and their loved ones in your prayers.

Mental Overload

2007-07-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well I honestly don't know what to write... not like there's a dearth of topics, merely too many to choose from. There's a lot of confusing things going on right now.
For example, Sarah still likes her ex-boyfriend, says she loves me, and doesn't want a relationship right now. Orginal combination. But that situation gets more complicated. Her ex apparently still likes her too and only broke up with her because he "needs to figure some things out." (I'm thinking that means he's borderline gay.) Her best friend and a close friend of mine, Katelyn, has a crush on me and has for years. Katelyn knows that I like Sarah but thinks Sarah has no idea and has absolutely no clue how much time Sarah and I have been spending together lately. One of the reasons she doesn't want a relationship right now is a fear of hurting Katelyn, but I don't think this is an issue as Katelyn is currently semi-dating this guy at her synagogue. Sarah's ex also knows that Sarah and I like each other, which makes things awkward when the whole group of friends is together.
Another thing- Production. Its an amazing but incredibly demanding class that I'm signed up to take this year and one that scares me to death. Other high schools offer a class called "Production," but there's not a single high school in existence where the Production class is like ours. Our Production students are not allowed to have jobs because of the time commitment to the class. Basically, every student has to work a 2 hour shift after school every day from 3:30-5:30 or from 7:30-9:30, doing the series of jobs they were assigned by Mr. B. Students work mainly in our professional theatre or our multi-million dollar TV studio. In addition to the daily shifts, Production kids also run and perform in the two mainstage shows every year and are entirely responsible for 24-7 original broadcasts from the TV studio, along with any number of other tasks around the school. Like I said, I'll be one of them this year, but I'll be one of the only ones that's also an AP student... I'll be taking 3 APs (Bio, US Hist, and Eng), honors Pre-cal, and Production, while doing Mock Trial and Model UN and staying active in church, doing homework, and finding time for friends. I'm quite frankly terrified that I'll go into overload and have a breakdown, fail classes, or forget God. If anyone reads this... pray for me. I'll need it.
The third bit of confusion going on right now I've already summarized in the post about postdale youth, but I'll keep you posted as that develops too.

-Bamberg

thoughts on postdale youth

2007-07-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I was thinking about this because I was at the church tonight...
It hasn't been the same there since they fired Dale; the leaders are uptight beyond belief and even the youth seem to have changed, and not for the better. Conversations are shallower and louder now. People laugh less often and fight more. Relationships between guys and girls are shorter and more tearful. Of course, not all of this is simply because Dale's gone. We've got some newer youth members that really need a strong leader to guide them, and a strong leader is exactly what we lack right now.
We've lost the person to whom we could go with any problem, request, joke, or just to chat and who would respond with genuine concern and respect for what we were saying and who we were. Dale helped with a friend's possible eating disorder and depression that I know of, and I know that he's also counseled other people that I know for various other problems. Out of the "leaders" we have now, there is no one person that people know to go to when they need to talk or ask advice, so now they ask their friends, whose advice generally is immature and shortsighted, if well-intentioned.
But what I hate the most about the youth group now is the way we've become factions of "anti-dale" and "dale supporters." Those who are glad Dale's gone are those whose parents are struggling to lead now and, occasionally, are those whom I can not help secretly hating because I know what they did to Dale. There is one particular youth that I talked to a lot before Dale was fired and that I still speak with and enjoy speaking with. But I can not look at this person or speak to them or think about them without feeling secretly, but all the more powerfully, shocked and disgusted by the terrifyingly unChrustian things they did to get rid of Dale. It's the same way with the adults. Many of them are friendly, loving people that I admired, but everytime I see them, I think, "Do you feel guilty at all? Do you know the extent of what you did? I hope you do and I hope that knowledge hurts."
I never thought it would be this hard to forgive.

Hey look! a blog!

2007-07-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

no way really? where?
oh
hi
well
so
you're my blog?
well
I'm Frederick
Frederick Bamberg
and I am your writer.
it's 2:16 am and I'm rather tired.
I wouldn't have created you if it hadn't been for the princess and her blog
so you'd better thank her.
Well I'm going to go to sleep now because I'm going to breakfast bright and early with Sarah, Katelyn, and Isis.
Goodnight, blog! this is the last time I'm actually going to talk to you btw. Sometimes I'll just talk and sometimes I'll write to someone else on you. Hope you don't mind. well. I'll see you when I see you, blog!

-Bamberg